jokes

have fun putting all all your good jokes on this NO RACIST JOKES OR ANY JOKES THAT COULD OFFEND ANY ONE IN ANY WAY geres my first 1 hope u enjoy!!!

Fun things to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh gees, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

Make paper airplanes out of the exam.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes late, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every class all term long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

Do the entire exam in another language.

As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.

Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel?

Bring a water pistol with you.
When you walk in, complain about the heat.

After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around!

During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why the Professor is a Terrible Teacher"

heres a second one hope u have fun!

O Lord, hear my anxious plea

Calculus is killing me

I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'

And probably won't until the day I die.

Please, Lord, help me in this hour

As I take my case to the highest power.

I care not for fame or loot

Just help me find one square root.

And Lord, please let me see

One passing mark in organic chemistry.

Oh such a thing I constantly dread

I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.

Lord, please give me a sign

That you've been listening all the time.

Please lead me out of this constant coma

And give me a shot at my diploma.

and heres another!!

Three blondes were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks."Looks like deer tracks", said one blonde."No, it looks like maybe a cow track," another blonde suggested."Actually, I think they are just dog tracks," the third blonde offered.They were still arguing when the train hit them!

the first was nice I read it before but the other two didn't find funny

i loved the 1st one and i can do it especially becos our maths teacher is not that strict...

Theyre really funny. but please try to brief them,
Thank you

got some more hope u enjoy!!!!!!!! :face:
Gorge bush and his 3 advisers are on a helicopter going back to the white house when the first adviser says:

first adviser:” Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."

Then the second adviser says:
"Well, why don't I throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Then the third adviser says:
"Why don't we throw gorge bush out the window and make everybody throughout the world happy."

and heres another

Don't say this to a cop
Things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
1. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
2. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
3. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
4. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
5. I pay your salary
6.Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
7. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

and another....

Your kid has been kidnapped
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.

Theres some hilarious jokes on www.jokesfunny.com

ty for the comment zafar

lol sum funny one there

LOOL

The ''dnt say to a cop'' ones are funnyyy!

they all are aswell

Mercii for the jokess

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

hehe, Thanks thats a good one

LOOOL that one was funny....

ye ty for that plz feel free to add as many as u want

aliukm wrote:got some more hope u enjoy!!!!!!!! :face:
Gorge bush and his 3 advisers are on a helicopter going back to the white house when the first adviser says:

first adviser:” Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."

Then the second adviser says:
"Well, why don't I throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."

Then the third adviser says:
"Why don't we throw gorge bush out the window and make everybody throughout the world happy."

this one was reallly funny. thanks for sharing

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Liverpool players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q. What do you call a Liverpool fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Fernando Torres has offered Liverpool £20 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 idiots behind him and 67,000 beg-friends jumping up and down.

Q: How many Liverpool supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: What do you call a Liverpool with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Liverpool fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Anfiled?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.

Q. What do you call a Liverpool fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Hahahaha,Mohammed,keep them coming.

but dont aim them all at liverpool khoie try aiming them at other clubs as well of corse not the legendary MANCHESTER UNITEDbut the others dnt matter(lol)

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.

sorry but what's a scowser? any way I heard them before still nice...

one day at a game verses Manchester United and Manchester City a fan from each team were driving to the stadium...they both crashed together and the Manchester United fan got out of his car and said "this is a sign from God to be friends" the City fan agreed. The United fan got out a bottle of whiskey and said "I have found this whiskey lets drink and celebrate this friendship" the City have agreed and took a big gulp from the bottle and passed it on to the United fan, he closed it and put it back...the City fan got baffled and said "aren't you going to drink some too?" the United fan replied "no, now I'm just waiting for the police".

Mohammed Al-Khoei wrote:sorry but what's a scowser? any way I heard them before still nice...

one day at a game verses Manchester United and Manchester City a fan from each team were driving to the stadium...they both crashed together and the Manchester United fan got out of his car and said "this is a sign from God to be friends" the City fan agreed. The United fan got out a bottle of whiskey and said "I have found this whiskey lets drink and celebrate this friendship" the City have agreed and took a big gulp from the bottle and passed it on to the United fan, he closed it and put it back...the City fan got baffled and said "aren't you going to drink some too?" the United fan replied "no, now I'm just waiting for the police".

:salaam2:

Very nice! The best joke yet in this forum! five star *****

yes very good i prefer it to most of the jokes that ive writen myself ahsent!!